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Old 11-26-02, 02:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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If you liked my Santa post, here's something else to think about

Again, no clue who gets credit. It's probably the same person who wrote the Santa Theory, but who knows.


Antigravity: The Feline Butterology Theory

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will twist and turn so as to land on its feet.

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself, you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal, here we have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's fur, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and cheesed-off aliens crash on top of them.

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Old 11-26-02, 03:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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lol pretty.........ummmnnn.......interesting
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Old 11-26-02, 03:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Lol. I never heard the starship version before
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Old 11-26-02, 04:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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this is... mmmm....differn't
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Old 11-26-02, 05:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I thought that was one of the most hysterical things I have ever heard!!
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Old 11-26-02, 06:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 11-26-02, 07:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
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here is one:

Women = money X time
Time is money
Women = money X money
Money is the "root of all evil"
Women = root(evil) * root(evil)

women = evil

LOL just jk
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Old 11-26-02, 08:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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hey there, you better watch it Zhakrin, we might get you when you sleep................MUH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

J/P that was a very nice selection of
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Old 11-26-02, 08:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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LOL Dragn -- that was damn funny
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Old 11-27-02, 11:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Dragon, where are you getting these? they are hilarious!!
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Old 11-27-02, 01:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I've had them saved for years. That's why I can't give credit to the proper author, when they were emailed, there was none of that info. I've also got a few treasures from the pre-computer days, real paper type copies, but I have to type them up first (no OCR here .... yet )
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Old 11-27-02, 05:36 PM   #12 (permalink)
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lol great reading .. although the santa one was better!
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