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Old 10-30-02, 03:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Talking Beer Troubleshooting

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open points towards the ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog and complain about house training

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Action: Have yourself tied to the bar.

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to the rest room and practice in mirror.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out. Action:
Find out if you being taken to another bar.

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on a colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceed personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.

Symptom: Everyone looks up at you and smiles.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on someone cushy looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him/her.

Symptom: Hand hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone or the room your in.
Fault: You have wandered into the wrong party.
Action: Ask them if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.
SilverTongue: )~<

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Old 10-30-02, 07:19 AM   #2 (permalink)
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So that's why my feet were cold and wet!
1.1 Columbian BCI, 1.2 Hog Island BCI, 1.0 Irian Jaya Carpet Python, 0.1 Ball Python, 0.1 Children's Python, 1.1 Amazon Tree Boa, 1.1 Dumerils Boa, 1.0 Horned Mntn Dragon, 1.0 Carolina Anole
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Old 10-30-02, 08:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 10-30-02, 09:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Been there done that in my younger days!
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Old 10-30-02, 09:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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LOL! As I'm sitting here drinking a cold one right now! LMAO!
Darren Hamill
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Old 10-30-02, 10:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I am printing this out for my halloween party tomorrow, I am sure that it will come in useful.
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Old 10-30-02, 10:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
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haha funny thing is, almost all of those sound vaguley familiar to me
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Old 10-30-02, 12:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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yea same here dunner but man that is funny
Is it just or me that feels that Dr. Claw is just miss-understood?
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Old 10-30-02, 06:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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haha i reconized most of them lol
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Old 10-31-02, 11:55 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I might be needing those for the kegger I'm going to tonight!!!
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Old 11-10-02, 05:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
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thats good im havin a cold one now too.
Old 11-11-02, 12:48 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Old 11-11-02, 07:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
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LOL that explains why I had alot of beer bought for me in the bar and here I thought I was beautiful. Nope not at all it was the lighting lol
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