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Old 06-12-04, 02:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Happy Mowing (How true it is!!!)

GOD : Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan.Those plants grow in any type of soil,withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,honey bees and flocks of song birds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

St.Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds"and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot,the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go! out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St.Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
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Old 06-12-04, 05:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
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LOL! true, true
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
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Old 06-12-04, 09:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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That was really great, really enjoyed that Stewart.

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Old 06-12-04, 10:17 AM   #4 (permalink)
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hmm another excuse not to mow my lawn
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Old 06-12-04, 10:26 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Thats awesome. Good post.
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
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Old 06-12-04, 03:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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How true that is!!
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Old 06-12-04, 03:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Good one Stewart!
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Old 06-12-04, 07:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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my wife is always buggin me to cut the grass,gonna get her to read this and maybe i can start relaxing lol .Like that will happen
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Old 06-13-04, 02:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Cool post on a not so coll topic!
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Old 06-13-04, 09:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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lol, its so true
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Old 06-14-04, 06:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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*LMAO* Too true, too true.
Erin Keller :eb:
Snakes: 2.1 Corns, 1.1 Kings, 1.0 Everglades Rat, 1.1 Spotted Pythons, 1.2 Children's Pythons, 1.2 BCIs Lizards: 0.2 Leopard Geckos, 1.3 Bibron Geckos Inverts: 2.1 Tarantulas, 0.1 Emporer Scorpion Mammals: 0.2 Kittens
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