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Old 03-19-04, 01:12 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I completely agree with everyone else, and especially Auskan. You should not have to ask permission -- you are not a child. Your husband doesn't have to touch it. He doesn't have to feed it, or clean out it's cage, or even look at it. As long as you take responsibility and there are no negative impacts on your family, it's up to you. He's not your mommy or daddy and he shouldn't treat you like a child. Does he ask you permission for everything that he wants to buy?
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Old 03-19-04, 01:29 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm with the rest, if i want it and i'm going to take care of it then it's MY choice, If a man i'm with can't understand that then too bad.

My man that i have now hate cats and dogs, but i've already told him when we get our own place i'm going to have one of them and he's gonna have to deal with it. I'm a animal person and if he's gonna be with me then he's going to have to accept it.
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Old 03-19-04, 01:49 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Just tell him:

"Honey, I just wanted to let you know that I respect your feelings about me getting a snake, and I completely understand your position. I'm really going to miss you."


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Old 03-19-04, 01:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by nickykci
yes, not even 1yr!!
Actually what I meant by "New Husband?" I meant you should get a new one, lol. I mean comeon you've only invested 1 year, cut your losses and move on
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Old 03-19-04, 02:00 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I would buy him a large tube of KY and tell him to go grease his monkey. Funny how fast he will give in.
Well, by all means, if he is allowed to have a monkey..then you have the right to have a snake! And what would a monkey need to be greased for? And what is a tube of Kentucky? I must be lost............
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Old 03-19-04, 02:04 PM   #21 (permalink)
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ROFLMAO!!!!!
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Old 03-19-04, 02:15 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Unless your husband is severely phobic about snakes, I say go for it. As the others mentionned, you aren't a child and as long as you take full responsibility, I don't think he would have much to say about it. Aside maybe where you keep your snake, i.e. I could understand if he doesn't like it to have it in an area that will always be in his face such as the kitchen, etc.

When my bf complains about me getting another animal, I always bring up his golf hobby. In the three years we've been together I have never complained about anything regarding his hobby and he plays a LOT! So, I bring that up and he leaves me alone. I tell him "Keep nagging me about my pets and I'll have a ball nagging you about your golf when you start up again"

I never hear another word!!!

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Old 03-19-04, 02:59 PM   #23 (permalink)
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My husband isn't into snakes in the least. I had snakes before I met him and will have snakes after he's gone (not very nice, but women do tend to live longer on average ). He doesn't understand my interest, but he does respect it! He's gotten used to the rats in the freezer and the "guest room" full of snake cages. We both have our own hobbies and interests and don't have to share them if we don't want to. If you can take care of the snake on your own, then it won't really affect him unless he's totally phobic and can't stand them in the house. You never know- after he watches the snake for awhile, it might become more interesting to him. My husband hated cats for years due to childhood allergies and he now loves them (and living with my cats cleared the allergies up strangely).
Good luck- get your snake!
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Old 03-19-04, 03:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Do you know why he's so adamant about you not getting a snake? I think that its important to understand this. Is it a phobia? A concern regarding money? A worry that he'd end up looking after it? Just a lack of interest? In my opinion, some of these reasons hold more water then others so it would depend on which one it was.

If its budgetary then he may have a point. Something you guys need to talk about. Maybe you can cut back on some of the other things you do to allow for the costs of a snake.

If its caretaking, then as other people said, you need to ensure him that you'd be the primary caregiver. Have you had a history of animals where he had to pick up the slack? Have you not accounted for vacation coverage? Try and address his concerns and offer him some guarantees.

If its personal like a phobia or a plain lack of interest, then maybe these folks here who are saying go for it are right. Unless there is a functional reason why a person doesn't agree with another person's hobby, they really shouldn't try and impede the process. Still, anything you do that you know will particularily bother him will generate consequences. Are you prepared to live with those consequences? How will they effect your relationship which ultimately should be the most important thing here.

I guess i'm coming at it from the point of view that no person is inherently mean and that he feels the way he does for a reason. Some times it takes a spouse to reign us in a bit if were not thinking things through completely. Of course, were all human so maybe he's working through some phobias or responsibility issues. Either way, you're a team. You're sharing stock so to speak. You guys should be able to compromise your way out of this clash of titans. I think communication is key here and I hope you're able to come to a sound agreement suitable to both of you.

*throws two pennies on the table*

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Old 03-19-04, 03:36 PM   #25 (permalink)
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thanks for sharing all your personal experiances, I will get one, ill talk to him about it again, and keep u guys posted
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Old 03-19-04, 03:38 PM   #26 (permalink)
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He dosen't have a phobia, he just hate snakes, he is from africa, which there, alot of snakes are dangerous, so i get that, but i mean a Corn snake!
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Old 03-19-04, 03:51 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I disagree with most everyone - I don't think it is a good idea to do what you want without considering your husband's opinion - I think it is a mistake to get a snake and then expect him to 'forgive your decision'. In my opinion, marriage is about discussion and agreement before a major decision, and about considering the other person's concerns and desires, not discounting them. I don't believe you mentioned feeling you needed his permission (I agree you are not a child), but you wanted to have him consider your request.

Aquiring any animal is a long term decision, and even if one partner is primarily responsible, it will have an impact on the other. I think it is up to you to decide how important having a snake is to you, and if it is critical to your happiness, then find a way to help him understand how much and why it matters to you. It would help if you can to be prepared to see his point of view as well, understand his reasons for not wanting one.

Based on my experience, people want their partners to be happy and want to help make them happy. If they realize how much a little thing, like your pet snake, would bring great happiness to you, they will be more willing to support you. Of course, it works both ways - always the challenge of compromise.

Though I appreciate the humor of some of the responses, in my opinion, there is never a good reason to manipulate your spouse. Good luck in deciding what you want to do,

mary v.
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Old 03-19-04, 04:23 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by nickykci
He dosen't have a phobia, he just hate snakes, he is from africa, which there, alot of snakes are dangerous, so i get that, but i mean a Corn snake!
I'm from Australia, and there the majority of snakes are not just dangerous - they are downright deadly. I think of the top 10 most deadly snakes in the world, all are from Australia and in the top 20, its 18 or 19. Growing up there, I was very accustomed to coming across deadly snakes unexpectedly, and all it did was increase my respect for them. One time I went for a walk by myself and came literally face to face with a King Brown snake which exceeded 8 feet in length (I was walking along a dirt road that was about 8 feet wide and his tail disappeared into the bush on one side of the road while his head was clear on the other side of the road). His head was only inches from my feet, and I knew that no matter how fast I moved, he could move faster, so I simply stopped and we eyed each other for a couple of minutes then he took off, very quickly into the bush.

Of course, the majority of people there don't love snakes any more than the majority here do, so I'm not saying that everyone has the same response to them that I do. However since it sounds like his response to you getting a snake is based on his fear (healthy respect?) for their danger potential, reassure him that corn snakes do not have that potential, and although any snake CAN bite, corns rarely do, and when they do, their bites are not full of venom. Also, take him with you to a pet store where they have hatchlings, and let him see them as babies, when they look completely harmless. Let him see you or a store employee handling one. Getting one as a hatchling and letting it grow up with you, may seem less formidable, than it would if you started out with a 4' cornsnake which would more likely remind him of the snakes he ran into in Africa.
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Old 03-19-04, 05:42 PM   #29 (permalink)
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I jsut broght mine home and the GF freaked out for a bit but when she calmed down and let me educate her about it she was fine.
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Old 03-20-04, 09:59 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Release some mice into your home
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