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Old 09-09-02, 10:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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A cats diary...............


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
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Old 09-09-02, 10:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I cried I cried and I cried some more. That's too freakin hilrarious!
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Old 09-09-02, 10:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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That was funny. And somehow I feel that my cats are all plotting my demise as we speak. Perhaps I should have not named the large one "sqeak"
Snakes? I just like to teraform!
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Old 09-09-02, 10:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I've read that before, it's hilarious! And, although I've never had a cat, I have to assume it's true.
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Old 09-10-02, 09:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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ROFL!! That is priceless!!!

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Old 09-10-02, 09:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Old 09-10-02, 10:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Heheh I read this before.. always makes me laugh when I read it..
"Just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else."
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Old 09-10-02, 11:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
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LoL when we run out of catfood before we get to the store our cats stare at us in such a way that we thank god that they do not have aposible thumbs!
SilverTongue: )~<

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Old 09-10-02, 11:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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ROTFLMAO!!! lol is offline  
Old 09-10-02, 12:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
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