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Old 12-28-03, 06:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
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holy smokes, what an interesting thread to find!
Significant others come and go, that is the way of things, but your hobbies sustain you. I couldn't imagine choosing to be with someone who wasn't slightly interested in my main hobby...they are living things, you can't just pack them away in the closet for a year or so to avoid arguments.
And I'd hate to have a partner that couldn't be trusted to care for them if I was sent to the hospital or something. Accidents happen, why have a partner that doesn't take care of you and yours? Isn't that why we partner up? Someone to share things with?
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Old 12-28-03, 06:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
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HAHAHA I don't care what the conversation is about, if my BF hung up on me we would have a HUGE problem. That's the most childish rude thing.

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Old 12-28-03, 06:56 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I'm fortunate that my fiance doesn't mind my snakes. I think he even likes them. :-) He'll never like them the way I do but I'm fine with that.

Does your boyfriend think your animals are *gross* or does he just not understand why you keep them?
My mom is scared to death of snakes. My sister didn't like them initially (mom's irrational fear rubbing off on her) but I eventually got my sister to like them. She even took pictures with my BCI draped around her shoulders!

Maybe there's a way you can *trick* him into liking them. lol
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Old 12-28-03, 07:01 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Nolagurl: he isn't grossed out by them, and has even admitted to liking to watch them once in awhile, but he just doesn't see them in the same light I do. He IS afraid of the tarantulas (especially the goliath!) At any rate, in his defense he's grown to have a lot more appreciation than he used to -- that's for sure! Used to scare the crap out of him to come in and find me with a snake in my hair or something, lol. He's even fed a few and held them a few times, so he's not as bad as he sounds!
Actually, he's a really awesome guy and I think we're just having a rough spot and the herps are just the way he's showing his side at the moment.
Even shiny fruit may be rotten at the core.
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Old 12-28-03, 07:08 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I agree with most that him not liking the reptile thing is something that can be worked on, but the hanging up on bit is a lack of respect on his behalf. That goes far beyond his dislike fo your hobby. That needs to be discussed rather than his dislike of your interest.
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Old 12-28-03, 07:14 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I know how you feel, not only my partner, but my friends are like that. It's hard, especially when you're excited about something you purchased, something you've learned, etc. It's like you have no one to talk to.

I got lucky though, my partner didn't actually dislike reptiles, he was deathly afraid of them. So I slowly moved him away from that fear. First I made him hold my Spotted Python's tail, then so on and so on, and eventually he came to at least tolerate them.

He's even thinking of purchasing a Male Fat Tail gecko to mate with the females I'll be getting. Sometimes it just takes patience. But other times, people are just plain pig headed (aka hanging up)

"A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing."
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Old 12-28-03, 08:31 PM   #22 (permalink)
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My partner is not the least bit interested in my herps. My last purchase, a BRB, is my last herp. I made that promise to him ( of course, my BRB's name is Promise) that no more. This is his house too, and I respect that he does not enjoy having herps/fish in every room of the house (they aren't, but they are in most rooms). Not to mention the financial aspect of it as well.

He would not leave me or kick me out if I brought home another, but it would cause some serious probs, and I won't jeopardise things.

Bottom line....he doesn't like my herps, but deals with them pretty well. If I was unable, he would feed and care for them.
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Old 12-28-03, 08:36 PM   #23 (permalink)
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The thing that I never do is drop my passion for anyone, significant or not. If you have a balance and try to maintain a level where you are not only thinking and doing with your reptiles then you can function in a relationship. It can be hard but it is like anything else, Harleys, reptiles, hockey whatever...if it is a problem of the other being too needy well your life
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Old 12-28-03, 09:13 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Well..I guess I have it pretty good too. My "domestic partner" is pretty tolerant of my snakes. She even holds them for me while I clean their enclosures (well not the big boas, but the BP and Hog Island). She will even turn lights on and off for me and things like that, when I am at work. Our 5 yr old son likes them as well, and she will watch him while he holds them.
Now, all of this did come with a price (in a way). She has always wanted a Pug, so when I got my first boa, it was only fair that she got something as well. So when someone she knew had to get rid of his 10 week old Pug puppy, you know exactly where it ended Now, that I am trying to breed boas, and she realizes there will be more additions to my snake collection, so now I am getting hounded about her wanted a Yorkshire Terrier.

So come spring, I have a feeling our Pug will have a lil friend to play with. lol

Now about him hanging up on you. Well, I can't bad mouth him for it, cause I to have done it to my gf and she has to me also. Sometimes, if your mad something, its better to hang up and apologize later, then to say something out of anger that you will wind up regretting and may not be forgiven so easy.
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Old 12-28-03, 09:51 PM   #25 (permalink)
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In my case, my wife is growing in dislike for my herps as my collection and it's subsequent demand on my time has grown. And no I do not trust her to care for them, however I have good friends I would trust. To ease off I have parted with some animals in the past, but that really did not solve things, just smooth things over for a while. Recently I have spent lots of time and money insulating, heating and otherwise converting a large shed in my yard to a snake room. Now she complains about me hiding out there.

But she is quite aware that, as with my motorcycle, my reptiles are a part of who I am. They were a part of my life before we married and if it were to come to it they would be a part of it after as well.
I spend much of my life trying to make her happy and dealing with her clinical depression (which she is aware of, and refuses medication for acceptable reasons), and I do love her very dearly, but I will not sacrifice who I am for anyone. If I was not happy with myself I could not be strong nor patient enough for our marriage or our family.

Wait this is turning into my rant. Anyway, be true to yourself, because that is really the only path to happiness.
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Old 12-28-03, 10:00 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Now she complains about me hiding out there.
They always find something to complain about don't they??? lol

Seriously though, women are difficult to please sometimes. Just when you think they have nothing to complain about, they FIND something. Must be that darned X chromosome..hehe j/k.
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Old 12-28-03, 10:34 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Eep I agree with Katt and Marisa, whether or not he likes herps is irrelevant, it is the way he treated you with such disrespect and disregard for your feelings.

My boyfriend is not in to reptiles, or most animals at all. He is pretty neutral with most animals, doesn't like large animals at all though (horses, cows, etc). He is a cat person. He couldn't care less about my reptiles, and he has gotten on my case before when I've aquired a new one for one reason or another (mostly space and money). He will help me hold one if need be, and I have caught him on occassion playing with the leopard geckos I like it better that way though. I view it much in the same light as Roy... if you combine two people with the same obsession, you have the great potential to spiral out of control with it. I also like having something I can call my own Not to mention the impact it can have if you breakup, you run in the same circles so you can never -really- have that person at a distance you wish... and if you're in it for business it can also have an impact. I don't think I would ever want to be in a relationship with another herper. I personally don't get all excited whenever he gets a new guitar or recording program... but I listen anyways because it's important to him, and he does the same for me. Because we love eachother it's our feelings that are important, not the hobbies

Originally posted by djc3674

Seriously though, women are difficult to please sometimes.
Or how about... SOME women are difficult to please, not women are difficult to please sometimes
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Old 12-28-03, 10:37 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Or how about... SOME women are difficult to please, not women are difficult to please sometimes
hehe..I was just kidding around. I hope no offense was taken. Your right though..not all women..but MOST are
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Old 12-28-03, 10:49 PM   #29 (permalink)
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LOL true about the most part, that's why most of my friends are guys
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Old 12-28-03, 11:09 PM   #30 (permalink)
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It's all about compromise and slow education. My fiance has been frustrated with me but we compromise on how many and what type of herps and where they are in the house etc. She's slowly coming around, although she was pissed tonight when i left some thawing mice on the counter instead of putting them somewhere she won't notice them.!! I don't push anything on her and it seems that she is slowly getting curious or starting to think that some of these animals actually arn't that bad, maybe even cute???? Anyway good luck, just follow your heart and your gut feelings...........
there is no "I" in team but there is an "I" in win.
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