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Old 09-29-03, 08:27 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Jay

Im not going to tell u how bad smoking is, its a really stupid habbit, im trying to quit myself. You said your father has known for 2 years now that you have smoked and its starting to really affect him now? Perhaps he is stressed out about something else and is looking for a reason to take it out on. Oviously this issue is bothering him alot and seems like a good way to take out some frustration. You should try to quit smoking, but do it for yourself! The best thing to do is sit down and talk to him. Maybe ask him how hes feeling and if there is anything you can help with, Good luck and keep us posted!
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Old 09-29-03, 08:34 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm in a slight way in your situation I haven't really talked to my dad in 6 years. A few times but not many. Mine are from different reasons (step B!tch). Before it gets to late try to talk with him now. Tell him how you feel if not you could prolong it and lose all the valuble time you 2 could have. If you at least try to comunicate with him you know that you have done your part and tried which is better than nothing. I wish everyday that i could call my dad and patch things up but i know it will never work until she's out of the picture.

Me and my mother almost had a huge falling out. What i did with her is. I got her alone just me and her and we both let it all out for hours. I'm talking everything even from childhood. It came down to the point where she said she would just leave and we would never talk again. So i laid it on the line and asked if that's really what she wanted I told her that's not what i wanted but if thats how she felt then alright. I explained to her that if that happend she would never see me or her future grandchildren ever. Hitting her with the grandchildren thing really hurt her, i think it got her thinking we needed to patch things up. A few months after that we were getting along better than we ever had and it's still going strong after 7 years. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have my mother here with me!!! Sometimes it helps both sides just to get it all out and in the open.
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Old 09-29-03, 09:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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It really sucks that this is happening... Like others have mentionned, having a good talk with your dad is definitely in order. Hash everything out and don't let it just be done in a few minutes. Find a time and place where you can talk with your dad alone for an afternoon and evening just the two of you.

It sucks that it seems to be the smoking issue that is causing this rift but I can understand where your dad is coming from especially if he used to be a smoker himself. He's personally lived through the addiction and finally was able to kick it only to see you doing the same mistake he did... A parent only wants the best for their kids and this is a situation that I would imagine is quite hard to deal with...

I think he doesn't want to be "okay" with your smoking habit for fear that it would be a form of acceptance from him. If he lets it slide it would mean he's fine with it which he's not and I think he just doesn't want to give you that message ever. I can understand that....

You say that you've tried to stop smoking but can't... I know it's hard, trust me!!! I'm tackling that battle shortly after being a heavy smoker for more than 15 years. If you think it is a tough battle now, it only gets harder and harder the longer you wait.

I really don't want to sound preachy about smoking as it's a personal choice and battle for each of us. But you are seeing a different side effect from the habit that you didn't think would happen and that just goes to show you that it's just not good from whichever way you look at it. There are consequences that reach farther than the health aspects of it.

I myself feel embarrassed about my habit when I'm with non-smoking friends. I have to make them wait for me while I'm outside puffing on my smoke because I can't wait, and then I come back in all smelly... Can't be too pleasant. The fact that they worry about my health just makes it even more embarrassing because I know that they are right.

I wish my parents wouldn't have accepted it when I started as it might have influenced me to stop it back then and not get into the mess I'm in now with cigarettes... Don't know if it would have worked for sure but it would have been nice if they would have put their foot down about it and stuck to their guns about how they felt about it.... Personally, I think it's a good incentive as I don't think I would have let my relationship with them suffer because of it...

You have two battles to face... Trying to fix your relationship with your dad and to stop smoking...

I wish you the best of luck in both

Pixie
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Old 09-29-03, 12:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Hi all thx for the help and hints i have tryed to quit and i cut down from 2 pax a day to half a pack but anyways i sat down with my dad and we talked it over and i guess bolth of us have just really been stresed but we are bolth putting in an effort to help each other threw this idiotic fight thxnk you all again

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Old 09-29-03, 12:55 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Happy to hear things seem to be getting better jay! You got through the hard part, if anything hopefully this will bring you closer together ! Oh and congrats on cutting back!
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Old 09-29-03, 02:36 PM   #21 (permalink)
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thx
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Old 09-29-03, 02:44 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Hello???? In your original post, you just mentioned she smokes. No mention of drugs or drinking. And was I supposed to know she was a minor living at home? For all I know, she could have been grown and living in her own apartment.
that still does not mean that you didnt contricdict yourself .. which you so blatenly did
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Old 09-29-03, 08:30 PM   #23 (permalink)
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perhaps your father has a particular reason for being so against you smoking besides the obvious. Maybe he knows someone that has died of lung cancer? Perhaps he's having difficulties with it, aside from thinking it's gross... ie. bad dreams, visions, etc. What I'm getting at, is that you are assuming that his dislike of smoking is that it's simple dissaproval, when he could in fact be very scared about it for whatever reason. Speaking to a counsellor is a good idea.
Cheers and good luck!
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Old 09-29-03, 09:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Congrats, and hope everything works out.
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