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Old 09-05-03, 05:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I'd say let her stay with you for a year. I would let her stay at my house until she was ready/able to leave. It's understandable if you can't, but considering people in less developed countries have like 15 people to a 15 square foot mud hut, it's not that big of a chore. As long as she's helpful and can repay you in either work or payment. Personally, I would never let her go home. It's so sad that such a 'civilized' nation can be so primitive.

Wow I hate people.

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Old 09-05-03, 07:55 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It's a real shame that nothing can be done unless anything else happens. I hope everything turns out ok for her.
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Old 09-06-03, 12:31 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Such a terrible thing, having to make your own lunch. I think I had to start making my own lunch around 9 or 10... started doing some of my own laundry about 16, and from 11 on when my folks were late coming home from work I would have to make my own dinner (I was a latch key kid). It's called learning how to be an adult, I know I certainly didn't expect my mom to pick up after me, she's my mom not my maid.

As for the hitting, there's a fine line between disipline and abuse. The throwing plates doesn't sound good. I have had an ex through dishes, but I kept pushing the buttons to get them that angry and frustrated. I wouldn't consider my self abused for that. Anyways other then the hitting and throwing things I don't see anything wrong. Maybe the mom needs some anger management and the kids need some military school.
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Old 09-06-03, 08:03 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I have to agree, I see nothing wrong with the part of making her own lunches and doing her own laundry. More kids should be doing that kind of thing.

Physical abuse, however, is wrong.

Are u sure u know the whole story?
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Old 09-06-03, 08:12 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Just wanted to add, in my opinion, if u don't teach your children how to take care of themselves that is not doing well by them either. Do u really think it's a good thing when a child reaches 18 and doesn't know how to work a washing machine? Yes, a parent has a legal responsibility to care for a child. But a parents real job is to prepare a child to live a good life and teach them how to take care of him/herself. Once I got a job at 15, I even paid for my own clothes, school supplies, basically everything except food. My parents didn't have a lot of money. I wasn't abused. Let's face it, kids today are babied and pampered too much. They think the world revolves around them.

As for the physical abuse, maybe u need to find out the facts before reporting the parents. Being a parent is not easy. Be real sure of the story before assuming anything.
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Old 09-06-03, 09:22 AM   #21 (permalink)
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awful... the abuse part. at 15 years old though, it isn't uncommon to do your own laundry, make your own lunch. but the abuse part isn't called for at all... it's very traumatic.
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Old 09-06-03, 09:44 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Up intill I was 23 and moved out of the house I didnot know how to use the whaser and dryer infact my mom made my lunch up to the day I moved.I know a few girls that wher abused.what she needs is to be toled that she is beter then that she needs to now that ther is a hole difrent style of life out ther.She need suport and because she whent to you skink keeper you are the one. If she is not showen how the real world works then when she has kids it is going to start all over! sorry to hear about that but it is good on you to help and tell her that she is not the only one.
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Old 09-06-03, 09:49 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I don't think the issue here is the lunches and laundry, or even degrees of acceptable discipline. If a child is scared enough to run away asking for help and crying then it's not a loving home which holds to phisical discipline when necessary and higher expectations regarding responsibility.

"the mother showed up at our house days later and freaked out at the kid, saying how when she gets home she was going to give her the shots, the whole time speaking Portuguese"

Granted if my mom were to have ever screamed at me in Portugese it would have been hugely more dramatic than in this situation, but ethnic background aside, showing up DAYS later shows tremendous irresponsibility and uttering threats is a criminal offense regardless of language, age or nation. I am quite sure skink keeper know far more about this story than is sharing with us, ans SK's sister probably even more so. While I fully agree that one should know both sides and the whole story before making accusations, I do think that has likely been previously addressed.

Social services is another branch of government and is like wise just as inept in every respect. If I was involved, I would recommend seeking the help of a local church and clurgy, regardless of religious belief as they have far more connections, resources and influence than most any individual. And any real Christian worth their salt would be willing to accept and aid another person in need no matter what their beliefs.

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Old 09-06-03, 12:45 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Gary,
I agree with you, if the teen is genuinely scared, then there is probably some problem. Remember, however, that teenage girls are melodramatic. I'm not saying there isn't abuse going on, I'm saying it is possible for a teen to exaggerate the story. Especially if the teen dislikes her parents (which at 15 they probably should, or else the parent is not doing their job). Teens can have attitude problems, remember. I have a daughter who is almost 9, and she is already impossible. I could see her running away at some point, due to her strong willed personality. And trust me, I am not abusive in the least. Quite the opposite, which is probably why I am having problems. My older daughter, however, is much easier to raise. All kids are different. My point is, you need to be sure of what is going on.
There are many things my parents did when I was young that I thought were terrible. And granted, sometimes they weren't fair or kind. But now, as an adult, I can understand it better and that they were doing the best they could.
Whether there is really "abuse" going on needs to be found out. Most kids today don't know what abuse really is.
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Old 09-06-03, 01:04 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Steele
Up intill I was 23 and moved out of the house I didnot know how to use the whaser and dryer infact my mom made my lunch up to the day I moved.I know a few girls that wher abused.what she needs is to be toled that she is beter then that she needs to now that ther is a hole difrent style of life out ther.She need suport and because she whent to you skink keeper you are the one. If she is not showen how the real world works then when she has kids it is going to start all over! sorry to hear about that but it is good on you to help and tell her that she is not the only one.

That IS how the real world works...........if u don't make your own lunch, u don't eat!!
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Old 09-07-03, 12:45 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I have to agree with LISA on this one. I've heard teenaged girls whining and crying about their parents, I've heard girls under 12 to do it, too. They say "I hate my parents! They are mean they abuse me, I'm going to call the police and run away! I'm scared to go home! bla-bla-bla". Usually the parents weren't the best, but teenaged girls exagerate everything a lot. In this case, there probably IS some abuse going on, but it really doesn't sound that terrible. I know lots of people who's parents threw plates around. It isn't pleasent, and yes it's traumatic, but you get over stuff like that pretty fast. It isn't like having your father point a gun at your stomach when you tell him you get pregnant or something along those lines.
So yeah, my point is that since I don't know much about this situation, but yes about how girls act I would say that the household environment isn't ideal, but it's far from being "abusive" in the true sense of the word.

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And any real Christian worth their salt would be willing to accept and aid another person in need no matter what their beliefs.
Heh, I know Catholics that would rather starve than help a Protestant, but I don't think it's fair to say that Christian's help. I'm not religious, but I help people who need it if I can, whether they be Christian or not :P

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Old 09-07-03, 10:38 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I dont know why this turned into a debate over who washes their own clothes and makes their own lunches. If the situation is indeed as bad as it sounds, and its not just someone crying "wolf" over their parents not letting them stay out past cerfew.......I am pretty sure what is meant by the laundry, lunches etc is if the kid is being physically abused, mentally as well how the hell would she have any time to actually prepare her own lunches, I mean if you're being abused do you even have confidence to find food in your home for yourself? Not every topic brought up on ssnakess.com is a debate, if you want to start analyzing this situation without knowing the facts I suggest some of you go speak to this kid and look at the conditions...... Abuse, and any report of abuse is definatly not something to be dismissed or taken lightly.... No offence to anyone, iam sure you all do care, but think.. I can't offer any advice on this really, other then calling childrens aid, or try and have the mother caught in the abusive acts..
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Old 09-07-03, 11:20 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Thank you V.hb, I agree.

PS, Zoe, I think you missed my point. I too know/knew many people prescribing to various faiths that do not practice what they preach. My statement was not propping up christians, nor slamming athiests nor agnostics. Just pointing out a political fact that church and state are still seperate, and while Government is quite useless at accomplishing any goals in a timely manner due to their own rules and red tape, Religious organizations are far more effective at getting stuff done. Now I am sure there are good people like yourself who would help however you can, but as individuals, we have very little influence, and the liability issues are huge. Religious organizations are far better set to affect long term, significant change with a greater degree of impunity.
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Old 09-07-03, 07:04 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Man, a lot of things in the forums turn into a debate somehow. *LOL*
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Old 09-07-03, 07:20 PM   #30 (permalink)
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this world is dumb!!!

look if u all are blind and can't see that the world is changing thats your prob...... cuz she is getting abused and being abused sucks and if u ppl can't see what this is doing to her u are all stupid..... sure everyone can do laundry and make there own meals but can u get abused and do that also........ prob not so don't say how hard u have had it unless u have been in the same situation not just makeing food and doing laundry.....>( >( >( >(
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