Especially Torontonians... lol. This is an article that Mike Myers wrote for the Toronto Sun...
Subject: Mike Meyer's Article in the Toroto Sun
Bound to make you smile and feel proud.
This definitely will put a smile on your face...You're gonna like
this. It's gonna be in major U.S. papers too.
"EDITOR'S NOTE: At Mike Myers' request, The Sun is denoting his
writer's fee to Rouge Valley Hospital, which has been hit hard by the SARS outbreak. The Sun is making an additional donation."
The Toronto Sun asked me to write a few words about my feelings on getting a Star on the Canadian Walk of Fame. Now, I'm not one into speechifying, but I do have some thoughts.
Thought 1: I'm intensely proud and honoured to be included in the company of Shania Twain, Linda Evangelista, Robbie Robertson, Scotty Bowman, Toller Cranston, Jim Elder, Lynn Johnston, Luc Plamondon, David Steinberg, and especially Lorne Michaels as inductees on the Canadian Walk of Fame.
It's very cool to be included on the Same list. This leads me to
Thought 2: Canadians are a nation of list-makers. Part of the
Canadian experience (apart from sticking your tongue on a
frozen metal pole in January) is keeping track of Canadian accomplishments. The world's longest street - Yonge Street. The world's tallest free-standing structure - The CN Tower. The invention of Standard Time. The birthplace of Mary Pickford. (I was born at Woman's College Hospital, several hundred yards away from Mary Pickford's birth site.) The invention of insulin. Winnie the Pooh. Independence without revolution. The
longest covered bridge in the world. The Avro Arrow. The snowmobile. The telephone. Basketball. The Macintosh Apple. Pablum. Frozen Food. Ginger Ale. The first documentary film. Superman. IMAX. The zipper. The paint-roller. The green garbage bag. Trivial Pursuit. And last but not least, hockey. This leads me to Thought 3.
Thought 3: Americans are sick and tired of me talking about Canada incessantly. Frequently, I will hear my American brethren say, "Oh no, here comes the List." This leads me to Thought 4.
Thought 4: Because of Thought 3, I've had to "Trojan Horse" my
Canadian references in the popular culture. I call these: "Letters to Home." Coded messages for my Canadian friends. In "Wayne's World," "Stan Mikita's Doughnuts" doubled for "Tim Horton's Doughnuts," and "Officer Koharski" was named after the NHL referee Don Koharski. (A lovely man - he gave me a ref shirt once - it was cool.) "Aurora, Illinois" is in honour of Aurora, Ontario. In "Goldmember," Dr. Evil is caught and the news of it is presented on a mythical, CNN-type news broadcast. At the bottom of the screen, the teletype reads: "Toronto Wins Stanley Cup. Toronto Voted Best City in the World." In the first "Austin Powers" - during the Dr. Evil "Family Therapy Scene" - one of the sons in the group is named "Dave Keon." Carrie Fisher, who played the therapist in that scene, asked me if she could say a different name that was easier for her to pronounce, and I said, "No," and then went on to explain the importance of the
Toronto Maple Leafs for twenty minutes. To which, she said, "Fine, 'Dave Keon' it is if it'll get you to shut up about Toronto." (See Thought 3.) She then went on to say that she'd been to Toronto, loved it, and thought it was "Very clean." This leads me to Thought 5.
Thought 5: I'm so proud that Toronto is very clean.
Thought 6: I'm so grateful to my Mom and Dad that they chose to move to Toronto from Liverpool, England in 1956. That was two years after Toronto got a subway. That leads me to Thought 7.
Thought 7: I love the TTC. It's clean, it's safe, it's cheap, it's on time. I even love the logo, the typeface, the colours, the fact that
street musicians have to audition, the "Ninety! Ninety-Niner!
Ninety-Niner!" PA announcements that, to this day, I have no idea what they mean. I have many fond memories of the Queen Street Streetcar, and all of the characters that I rode into town with when I lived in Parkdale. I think the TTC Uniform is cool, and I would like to own one. I love that the subway takes you right to ACC. It's the best way to get to the game. That leads
me to Thought 8.
Thought 8: I love the Toronto Maple Leafs. I love the history. (See
Thought 3 again.) I love the uniform. I love the game of hockey. I love its contradictions. I love the fact that Toronto fans will applaud a good play even by a visiting team. That leads me to Thought 9.
Thought 9: I love the people of Toronto. The kindness, politeness, and decency of the average citizen are remarkable. I'm often puzzled by some Torontonians who seek to make Toronto "A World-Class City." It already is.
In my job, I've had the good fortune to be able to travel around the world, and in my sojourns I've met many nice people, individually. However, I've never experienced "nice" collectively like I have walking the streets of Toronto. I think "nice" is underrated. That leads me to Thought 10.
Thought 10: I love ketchup potato chips. They're underrated.
(Sometimes you can get "ketchup potato chip hands," which are a lot like "cheesy hands," but with ketchup potato chips you end up looking like Lady Macbeth.) That leads me to Thought 11.
Thought 11: I love Second City. I'm honoured to be an alumnus, and proud of SCTV. (Lady Macbeth is from Shakespeare, who is a playwright, who's work is performed on stages like the Second City...which is performed...on a stage.) That leads me to Thought 12.
Thought 12: I'm having second thoughts about the whole "numbering of thoughts" concept. It's harder to connect all of the thoughts than I thought it was going to be. I am hungry now...which leads me to Thought 13.
Thought 13: I love Johnny's Hamburgers. Which leads me to Thought 14.
Thought 14: I love Licks In the Beaches. I often go there and get a "Hot Diggity Dog." Which leads me to Thought 15.
Thought 15: I love the Ex. "Doggy, Doggy!" "Do you wanna go faster?" "Get your cotton candy, candy-floss. Tell the girls how many. It's the midway treat." These PA system exhortations are indelibly ingrained in my head. (See Thought 7, RE: "Ninety-Niner.") I was at the Ex when I saw Game 1 of the '72 Series. I was at the Better Living Centre, still woozy from my ride
on the "Alpine Way," deafened by the Carlsberg Carillon, a little
nauseous from eating too many Tiny Tom Doughnuts, watching an Electrohome television as Team Canada took on the Soviets, "Nyet nyet, Soviet, da da Canada." That leads me to Thought 16.
Thought 16: I am so proud of the Olympic Double Gold. I was in LA at the time, and I got in my car wearing my Team Canada shirt and a Canadian Flag out the window. The people of Beverly Hills were bemused. (See Thought 3.) That leads me to Thought 17.
Thought 17: I am honoured to be on the same list of Canadian Walk of Fame inductees as Scotty Bowman. Please, Scotty, what can you do to get us a Stanley Cup? I'll tar your roof in August; I'll move cinder blocks; I'll shovel your driveway in February; I'll open your cottage for you every year. I'm a grown man, and I am begging.
There you have it. Seventeen tenuously connected thoughts regarding my inclusion on the Canadian Walk of Fame. I am honoured. God bless Toronto. God bless Canada.