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Old 07-17-03, 01:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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The Lighter Side of Organic Chem

Here's to Science, even though I hate organic chem

Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element Name: Woman
Periodic Chart Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Generally accepted as 110 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1.Surface usually covered with a painted film.
2.Boils with no provocation.
3.Freezes up solid unexpectedly.
4.Melts if given special treatment.
5.Bitter if incorrectly used or ignored.
6.Yields to pressure applied to certain points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones such as diamonds, rubies and sapphires among others.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen.
3. Defies proper aging analysis techniques.

HAZARDS

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time although several can be maintained at different locaions as long as the specimens do not come into contact with each other.
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Old 07-17-03, 02:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm offended.
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Old 07-17-03, 02:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well that's about the most sexist post I've ever seen.

Kinda funny tho!

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Old 07-17-03, 02:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I thought it was hysterical. I like:

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

So true!
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Old 07-17-03, 03:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
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"Very effective cleaning agent." LOL!

*runs and hides*
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Old 07-17-03, 03:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Chemical Analysis of Man

Element: Man

Symbol: Ah (short for a**h***, a common French root used to identify the element)

Discover: Eve

Atomic Mass: Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length, though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches yet weigh 200+ Kg

Occurrences: Found following dual element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen. (Experimental evidence: any beach on any coast)

Physical properties:

Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol) Tends to fall into very low energy state dirrectly after reaction with Wo (Snore ... zzzzz) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature. Rarely found in pure form after 14th year. Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with poluted form of the Wo common ore.

Chemical properties:

All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions. Usually willing to react with what ever is available. Reaction Rates range from aborted/non- existant to Pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red and send it to react with Sa, the sex analysist) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/ bloody.

Storage:

Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favourable reaction style.

Uses:

Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...

Tests:

Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution:

Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very malleable under correct conditions.
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Old 07-17-03, 04:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Sorry dearest women folk. My intent was not to offend (which seems to be the most "in" word nowadays! lol). Just some light humour. I myself didn't think it was too offensive but kinda cute. Cos c'mon ya gotta admit, regardless how you guys are, we guys still need ya!
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Old 07-17-03, 04:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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LMAO! Just read the opposing joke by DragonDrp. Nice one! So true!
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Old 07-17-03, 04:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hahaha, that was great. Especially
TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green with envy when placed beside a better specimen.
3. Defies proper aging analysis techniques.

So true! DD was just as funny! I love these jokes
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Old 07-17-03, 05:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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haha I didn't find it offensive at all. Its hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

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Old 07-18-03, 09:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I was not really offended. Both are quite funny!
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Old 07-18-03, 11:18 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Bah! Now I'm offended Alicewave!

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Old 07-18-03, 11:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I sure hope some feminazi doesn't get her blood stained panties ina bunch and delete this cause it "offends women everywhere".

Effective cleaning agent. Hahaha, so true. Get in the kitchen * smacks his girl around*

Hahaha, you're funny man. All true, great decoration for cars.
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Old 07-18-03, 02:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Serpent-King, know the meaning of being polite? Or maybe even tact? Or maybe the meaning of chauvinistic? Is that how your momma taught you to talk?

Now seriously, what IS your problem?! The whole day I've been seeing just plain stupidity coming out from you. Please do us a favour and not post if you don't have anything nice to say. That's all I ask. Thanks!
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Old 07-18-03, 03:28 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I've never seen Hilde's version before, I love it.
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