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Old 06-25-03, 07:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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The ULTIMATE Resignation Letter.... You will LOVE this!!

Dear Mr._ Baker,
As an employee of an_ institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief_ among these is that my direct superiors have an _intellect that ranges above the_ common ground squirrel.
_After your_consistent and annoying harassment of my_ co-workers and myself during_the_commission of our duties, I can only surmise_ that you are one of the_few_true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a_ network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each_ time you happen to_stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a_ waste of_precious oxygen.
_I was hired because I know how to network computer_systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and _other_ employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept_of
_"cut and_ paste" for the hundredth time.
_You will never understand_computers. Something as_ incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options.
You will also_ never understand why people hate you, but
I_am going to try and explain it to_ you, even though I am sure this will be _just as effective as telling you what an_ IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has_more personality than you ever will. You walk_ around the building all day,_shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a_ sharp dressed_useless_look about you that may have worked for your interview,_ but now that_you_actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked_ staff,_hoping_their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude.
_In a world of _managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else_eats and_ laughs at.
Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert_principle.
_Seeing as this situation is_ unlikely to change without you getting a_full_frontal lobotomy reversal, I am_ forced to tender my resignation;
_however _I _have a few parting_ thoughts.
_1. When someone calls you in_ reference to employment, it is illegal to_give me a bad recommendation. The most_ you can say to hurt me is, "I_prefer not to comment."
I will have friends_ randomly call you over
the_next couple of years to keep you honest, because I_ know you would be_unable to do it on your own.
_2. I have all the passwords_ to every account on the system, and I know_every password you have used for the_ last five years. If you decide to_get_cute, I am going to publish your_ "favorites list", which I_conveniently
_saved when you made me "back up" your_ useless files.
I do believe that_terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed_ favorably by the_administration.
_3. When you_ borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers_b-day", you_ neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures_of _yourself in the_ mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the_techno-moron you really are._ Suffice it to say, I have never seen
such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I_ assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the_ authoring of a glowing letter of_recommendation. (Try to use a spell check_ please. I hate having to_correct_your mistakes.)
_Thank you for your time, and_ I expect the letter of recommendation on_my_desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.
One word_ of this to anybody, and all of
your_little twisted repugnant obsessions will be_ open to the public.
Never_**** _with your systems administrator. Why? Because_ they know what you do _with _all that free time!
_Darryl_ Brewer, Network Administrator
Neil Gubitz
Tampa Snake Pit
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Old 06-25-03, 08:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
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HAHA!! Neil you nut! Boy........better 'cut and paste' this one for future
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Old 06-25-03, 08:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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LOL, that is hilarious!! Good one, Neil.
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Old 06-25-03, 09:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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"A rattlesnake that doesn't bite teaches you nothing."
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Old 06-25-03, 09:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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that was awesome...that's like something my mom would do, with out all the ketchup bottle stuff...LOL...that was great!
1.0 albino cali. king snake(Diego)1.0 0.0.1 Blue-Tongued Skink (Oz)1.0 western hoggie (Tiki)0.0.1 amel creamsicle corn (Leo)0.0.1

ssssoon to come...albino burmese python (2 days and counting)
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Old 06-25-03, 10:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Damn, I'll hang on to this letter. I wanna shake that guys hand. (the systems admin.)

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Old 06-25-03, 10:21 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Tooooooo Funny!!!!! Good one, Neil!

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Old 06-26-03, 01:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
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hehehehe LMAO!!!!!!

i hope that was a real letter and not just a made up one.
[10:12pm]@ [Matt] he's all up in there like swimwear.
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Old 06-27-03, 04:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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F*%#@$G Hilarious!!! I gotta forward that one.

V.salvator 0.1

German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian Griffin: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.

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