border
sSNAKESs : Reptile Forum
 

Go Back   sSNAKESs : Reptile Forum > Community Forums > General Discussion

Notices

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-09-03, 06:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Clownfishie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul-2002
Location: Victoria, BC
Age: 37
Posts: 5,454
Send a message via ICQ to Clownfishie Send a message via MSN to Clownfishie
Wink oie...

Sometimes, you just have to wonder about people Just something that came in the email today that I thought people might get a chuckle out of




These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and published by court reporters -- who had the torment of staying
calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
---------------------------------------------------------------------- --
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
-----------------------------------------------
Q: He had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? >
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? >
A: Oral.
____________________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? >
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500
------------------------------------------------------
Q. Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A. Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
----------------------------------------------------------------
Judge: "Well Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.
__________________
Herp Haven Reptiles - Quality Captive Bred Herps

Gecko Haven
Clownfishie is offline  
Login to remove ads
Old 05-09-03, 06:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
HetForHuman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr-2003
Location: Taber,Alberta,Canada
Age: 40
Posts: 1,815
Send a message via MSN to HetForHuman Send a message via Yahoo to HetForHuman
LMAO these are my favorites.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? >
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
__________________
[10:12pm]@ [Matt] he's all up in there like swimwear.
HetForHuman is offline  
Old 05-09-03, 07:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
jay76's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct-2002
Location: Central Ontario
Age: 41
Posts: 1,054
Country:
Send a message via MSN to jay76
LOL! Those are funny

In high school, I had a guy in my English class who actually said "murdered to death" :P
jay76 is offline  
Old 05-09-03, 07:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
reptilesalonica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar-2003
Location: The Hague
Age: 49
Posts: 1,088
Country:
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! i been laughing 5 mins here!!! XAXA!!!
__________________
The fear leads to death as the window to the courtyard...JUMP!
reptilesalonica is offline  
Old 05-09-03, 08:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
NewLineReptile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar-2003
Location: Kingston Ontario
Age: 39
Posts: 1,808
Send a message via MSN to NewLineReptile
very good LMAO!!!!
__________________
NEW LINE REPTILE
Specializing in Large Pythons
Home of the "GIANTS"
newlinereptile@sympatico.ca
NewLineReptile is offline  
Login to remove ads
Old 05-09-03, 09:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
RachelS.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec-2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Age: 29
Posts: 1,619
Send a message via AIM to RachelS. Send a message via Yahoo to RachelS.
Hahahahahahah, now THAT'S amusing!!
__________________
Who are you callin' a freak?!
~*Rachel*~
RachelS. is offline  
Old 05-09-03, 10:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
PoiSoNouS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar-2002
Location: Longueuil
Age: 34
Posts: 1,640
Send a message via ICQ to PoiSoNouS Send a message via Yahoo to PoiSoNouS
hshahahahaah
__________________
"Just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else."
Mary
snakehive
PoiSoNouS is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On




All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:03 AM.

Powered by vBulletin®
©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2002-17, Hobby Solutions Inc.

right

SEO by vBSEO 3.1.0