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Old 04-28-03, 08:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
beth wallbank's Avatar
Join Date: Mar-2002
Location: in the mountains
Age: 46
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thought this was too funny as I have more than once seen or heard a few of these in real life and thought to myself, are there really idiots out there?


This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair
people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked
if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked,
"Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how
he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested
that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a
telephone line?).


I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I
had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that
she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked
why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just
signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She
carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.


I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign
on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't
want them to cross there anymore. I could swear I've recently been with some of
these people...


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person
behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
had iceberg.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I
replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled
knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was
crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was
for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company
due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should
do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other
with that deer- in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for
the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and
found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I
watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's
open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

Now don't you feel better?

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Old 04-28-03, 08:30 AM   #2 (permalink)
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heheh! That's great.

I've got one:

My friend Lois and I went to Sonic for some quick food after school one day. As we ate our greasy burgers and fries, and cop car drove by. On the way home, we passed a gass station. Lois turns to me, and just as causual as can be asks, "Do cop cars need gas? I've never seen one there."

(the worst part is - that's a true story.)
On the other hand, you have differnt fingers.
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Old 04-28-03, 10:10 AM   #3 (permalink)
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My friend was over with his girlfriend. We were sitting in the living room. She gasps and says "Oh my god that fish has an ambillical (sp) cord!" I look over to see my gold fish taking a dump. Wow!
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Old 04-28-03, 10:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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LMAO! Great stories!
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Old 04-28-03, 02:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I work as a tech support agent... here's a sample of one of my calls.

Customer: I'm trying to install the software and i've been waiting for the software to download from the internet for over an hour now. It's been stuck at 54% for an hour now"

Techsupport (me): Ok so have you connected the printer to your
computer yet?

Customer: No, I've only stuck in this disc you guys gave me.

Techsupport: Ok, thats great. Do you see anything else on your screen?

Customer: Yes there's this window that says "Next" on it.

Techsupport: Ok click "Next".

Customer: Ok now it says "Access agreement"

Techsupport: Ok click on accept then keep hitting next.

..... eventually the customer clued in.
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Old 04-28-03, 02:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I overheard two young women talking about their boyfriends on the train to work once. One told the other her boyfriend was ambidextrous to which her mate replied " you mean he can use both feet" Classic!
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Old 04-28-03, 04:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
Join Date: Dec-2002
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To address the first statement, my email works with out a phone line. Crawl out of the dark ages and get a cable modem!!! (just kidding)
"To truly rescue an animal one has to provide long-term care that guarantees the animal's security for its natural life, because rescuing is more than removing an animal from a bad situation. Rescue involves restoring and preserving the animal's dignity for its natural life without stress, and this includes conserving the species as a whole for generations to come." (Brian Werner, founder TMLF / TCWR)
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