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Old 04-15-03, 11:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Talking Do you have what it takes to work in vet care?

A suggested telephone menu system for a veterinary clinic

To make an appointment please press 1.

To tell us your life history as well as your pet's before making your appointment please press 2.

To speak directly to a doctor press 3.

If you feel your pet's condition warrants pulling a doctor away from the patient he/she is currently seeing or operating on press 4.

For a listing of the doctor's home telephone # and beeper #, please press 5.

To schedule an emergency after hours surgery press 6.

If your regular vet is on vacation press 7.

If your pet's condition has persisted for 2-6 months but has suddenly become an emergency and he needs to be seen this evening (after 6pm)...please press 8.

For a toenail trim on your 100 lb. agressive 9. If it is before 7a.m. or after 7p.m. please press 10 for our treatment technician's home phone number.

If you would like us to hold a check for you until the following month please press 11.

If you would like us to post date a previously held post dated check press 12.

If you would like us to mail back your post dated check so that you can send us one for less money, or to make other payment arrangements...please press 13 for our office manager.

Also, press 13 if you need to bring in your 10 unvaccinated puppies with vomiting and bloody diarrhea and you have $10 in your pocket.

If you have been on hold for 10 minutes press 14.

If you have been on hold for 20 minutes press 15.

If you have been on hold for 30 minutes press 16 for the receptionist or email her at

If you are under stress and need to project your anger at someone, press 17 for a receptionist.

To determine if your pets condition (i.e. hit by car, grand mal seizures, or unconcious) is serious and it needs to be seen today, press 18. Our team of experts are standing by waiting to debate the issure with you for as long as it takes.

If your animal has not eaten in 10 days press 19.

If you have accidentally taken your animal's flea control pill or heartworm medicine press 20.

If your reptile (snake, Savannah monitor, iguana, chameleon, etc) has been living in a dark, 30 degreem room and has not eaten in 60 days press 21.

If you live in a rural area and your "rock walder gots the mange" press 22.

If you have a 200+ lb. pot-bellied pig or other large farm animal please press 23 for drive through surgery service.

If your initials are sq. or you just want to talk press 24 and our receptionist will set up a private home appointment for you with a vet.

If your mouse was eaten by your snake, your snake killed by your cat, your cat attacked by your dog, and your dog was kicked by your goat please press 25.

None of these numbers will give you a real person, but they'll take your mind off your problems for awhile. Our automated telephone service allows us to serve your pet's needs 24 hours a day 7 days a week!
The Zombie Mama is here!
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Old 04-15-03, 11:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Lol, that is hilarious. Good one, eyespy.
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Old 04-15-03, 12:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Lolllll !!!!!!!!
Tooo funny!!!!!!!
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Old 04-15-03, 12:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
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hahaha....good one...
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Old 04-15-03, 01:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Damn it I'm pressing 17 but nothing is happening!!!!!!

Rome did not build a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all who opposed them.
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Old 04-15-03, 02:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hahaha... the funny part is: There are no numbers 10 - 25 on a phone, just 0 - 9 LMAO! That's a good one eyespy... lol!
Who are you callin' a freak?!
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Old 04-15-03, 02:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Can't take credit for it personally, it's been floating around the fax and email circuits for maybe a couple years now, going from one vet hospital to the next. I just ran across it again when doing a search for savannah monitor info on VIN. It was the only hit!

No idea who wrote it but any vet, tech or receptionist I ever met wishes s/he did.

Still can't figure out what a rock walder would be, though.....
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Old 04-15-03, 03:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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lol v.funny!
1.1 ball pythons, 1.1 anmel corns, 1.0. collard lizards, 1.1 pastle B.C.I's . 4 tropical fishes
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Old 04-15-03, 08:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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It seems to me that kind of message (press this for that) is heard on most all vets during after hours.

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Old 04-16-03, 12:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
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rock walder is redneck for Rottweiller. All rednecks think every disease is "the mange". Too funny!!!
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Old 04-16-03, 12:12 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 04-16-03, 04:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hee hee, can't believe I couldn't figure out Rottweiler.....

We used to get folks that would bring in box turtles missing a few scutes who thought they had the mange.
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