sSNAKESs : Reptile Forum

Go Back   sSNAKESs : Reptile Forum > Community Forums > General Discussion


Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-12-03, 05:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
beth wallbank's Avatar
Join Date: Mar-2002
Location: in the mountains
Age: 46
Posts: 1,186
A hamster story

this has got to be one of the funniest emails that I have yet to get. I think you'll get as big a kick out of it as I did.

> > If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome
> > including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will
> > have you laughing out LOUD!
> >
> > Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what
> > happened:
> >
> > Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
> > "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his
> > room. "He's
> > just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you
> > help?"
> >
> > I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into
> > his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,
> > looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called,
> > "come look at the hamster!"
> >
> > Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
> >
> > "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
> >
> > I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
> > didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
> >
> > "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage,?" she
> > inquired.. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
> >
> > "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most
> >
> > loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).
> >
> > "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
> >
> > "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she
> > informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
> >
> > By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
> > shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
> >
> > "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're
> > about to witness the miracle of birth."
> >
> > "OH, Gross!", they shrieked.
> >
> > "Well, isn't THAT just Great!; what are we going to do with a litter of
> > tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think
> > she was being snotty here, too, don't you?)
> >
> > We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny
> > foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't
> > appear to be making much progress," I noted.
> >
> > "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
> >
> > "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
> >
> > "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it
> > next
> > appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more
> > times with the same results.
> >
> > "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they
> > could
> > talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in
> > my
> > house?)
> >
> > "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
> >
> > We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe,
> > Ernie, breathe," he urged.
> >
> > "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can
> > be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing,
> > but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
> >
> > The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little
> > animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a
> > c-section?" I suggested scientifically.
> >
> > "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak
> > to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step
> > outside.
> >
> > "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
> >
> > Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In
> > fact,that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."
> >
> > "What!?"
> >
> > "You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into
> > maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate. Just
> > the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
> >
> > "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent, absorbing
> >
> > this. "So Ernie's just... just... Excited?", my wife offered.
> >
> > "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.
> > Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even
> > laugh loudly.
> >
> > "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman
> >
> > I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
> >
> > Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing
> > you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to
> > bellow in laughter once more.
> >
> > "That's enough," I warned.
> >
> > We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our
> > son
> > back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
> >
> > "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.
> >
> > "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
beth wallbank is offline  
Login to remove ads
Old 04-12-03, 05:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
Join Date: Jul-2002
Posts: 595
J.J. is offline  
Old 04-12-03, 05:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
RachelS.'s Avatar
Join Date: Dec-2002
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Age: 29
Posts: 1,619
Send a message via AIM to RachelS. Send a message via Yahoo to RachelS.
Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha.... OMG, that's one of the funniest stories I've read about a pet. LMFAO!!!
Who are you callin' a freak?!
RachelS. is offline  
Old 04-12-03, 06:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
Lisa's Avatar
Join Date: Jun-2002
Location: Trenton
Posts: 6,075
Send a message via ICQ to Lisa Send a message via MSN to Lisa Send a message via Yahoo to Lisa
That was one of the funniest stories Bruce Cameron has done. If you want to see his other works you can see them at his latest story is almost as funny.

He's also the creator of "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter" which is now a TV show. I don't enjoy the tv show as much as his column.
Neo-Slither (Snake fanatic mailing list) http://<br />

May you live in interesting times.
Lisa is offline  
Old 04-12-03, 06:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan-2003
Location: Dartmouth,Nova Scotia, Canada
Age: 39
Posts: 690
Send a message via ICQ to Burmies
HA HA HA HA funny.

Burmies is offline  
Login to remove ads
Old 04-19-03, 09:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
Melly18's Avatar
Join Date: Aug-2002
Location: Toronto
Age: 34
Posts: 466
lmao i just read this today...... lol freaking hillarious..... now i'll know what's wrong with my hamster is he ever does that lol
:sun:¤Melanie¤:sun: Vamos a Cuba!
0.1 Ball Python, 0.1.1 Solomon Island Ground Boas, 0.1 Leopard Gecko, 0.0.2 Crested Geckos, 1.1 Dogs, 1.0 Chappy
The Original Chat
Melly18 is offline  
Old 04-19-03, 12:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan-2003
Location: UK, Newcastle
Age: 29
Posts: 548
Send a message via AIM to Lizzy001 Send a message via MSN to Lizzy001
Lol....great story!!

1.0 Normal corn snake, 0.1 Snow corn snake.
Lizzy xxx
Lizzy001 is offline  
Old 04-19-03, 01:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
Nanashi04's Avatar
Join Date: Nov-2002
Location: East Central Kansas
Age: 32
Posts: 603
Send a message via AIM to Nanashi04 Send a message via MSN to Nanashi04 Send a message via Yahoo to Nanashi04
On the other hand, you have differnt fingers.
Nanashi04 is offline  
Old 04-19-03, 01:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
Join Date: Mar-2003
Location: Tustin, Mich.
Age: 56
Posts: 433
Send a message via MSN to Blackwidow69 Send a message via Yahoo to Blackwidow69
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats to funny.....
Warnning! Owner is to busy playing with her critters, tarantulas loose everywhere!!
Blackwidow69 is offline  
Old 04-19-03, 02:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
Edwin's Avatar
Join Date: Jul-2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,355
hahaha, thats hilarious.
Edwin is offline  
Login to remove ads
Old 04-19-03, 03:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
Please Email Boots
Join Date: Mar-2005
Posts: 3,326
Oh my god! That was pretty f@*^#@' funny Beth. Thanks for sharing!
Tim and Julie B is offline  
Old 04-20-03, 12:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
Super Genius
mykee's Avatar
Join Date: Nov-2002
Location: Southwestern Ontario
Age: 43
Posts: 6,332
that was funny, I think I just pee'd my pants.
mykee is offline  
Old 04-21-03, 04:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
Join Date: Dec-2002
Posts: 719

Thanks Beth, I gotta learn not to read the funny ones until the wife gets up..THAT was funny..what a mental image THAT paints!
jwsporty is offline  
Old 04-21-03, 07:18 AM   #14 (permalink)
eyespy's Avatar
Join Date: Sep-2002
Posts: 2,125
That was about the funniest animal/owner story EVER!!!!
The Zombie Mama is here!
eyespy is offline  
Old 04-21-03, 12:26 PM   #15 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug-2002
Location: Victoria, B.C.
Age: 40
Posts: 172
Send a message via ICQ to Jazzey Send a message via AIM to Jazzey Send a message via MSN to Jazzey Send a message via Yahoo to Jazzey
HAHAHAhahahahahaha!:jawdrop: :medbigsmi
I started to cry after reading this story...OMG! hahaha
That's the BEST story ever.
1.0 Dalmatian Crested Gecko (Mung)
0.1 Leo (Chaquita)
0.1 Leo (Momasita)
Jazzey is offline  
Login to remove ads
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:40 PM.

Powered by vBulletin®
©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2002-17, Hobby Solutions Inc.


SEO by vBSEO 3.1.0