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Old 03-10-17, 02:47 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Feeling lost

Sort of lost in my own thoughts today.

Got an email from my Mum this morning. My grandfather who lives in England passed away last night. He has been in the hospital for the past few weeks. Even at 93 years old he was living in his home with very lovely lady caretakers coming a few times a day to clean up, cook, laundry etc. Few weeks ago they found him on the floor in his bedroom. He had fluid build up in his legs and couldn't stand so he fell. When he got to the hospital he was in such poor condition the doctors were sure he wouldn't live through the weekend. He was so pale he looked like he had already passed. Despite congestive heart failure he sort of stabilized and didn't get worse. He lived through the weekend and again the following week. They were sure he didn't have the ability to get out of bed but he did. He got out of bed to go to the bathroom but he fell and broke his wrist and still managed to cross the room behind the door. Which scared the ish out of the nurses when they came to check on him and he wasn't in his bed. You don't expect a 93yr old with heart failure to not be in his bed. He even was bugging the nurses one night asking for whiskey saying my aunt will pay them. Even near the end he was himself mostly. They had to move him to a room with more people so he could be watched 24/7 so he wouldn't get out of bed again. He got worse and had his eyes closed most of the time, the big room was more confusing for him. They moved him back recently because he really couldn't get up anymore. They put him on morphine few days ago because he said he hurt all over. Last night 4:30am UK time he passed.

A WWII veteran, survived getting malaria in the war, even in his 80s had a handshake twice as firm as most men half his age and younger, lived when the doctors said he wouldn't and got up when they thought he couldn't. I hope one day to be as strong as him.

First time in 5 years I called in "sick" to work. Just didn't want to go to work today. Just sitting around not knowing what to do.

3 years ago before I had to catch a flight home. Still was making jokes that day even at 90.



A few months later after my Nanas funeral. That's a drawing of him at 25. Last time I saw him that trip.








RIP Rupert "Gragger" McCarthy
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Old 03-10-17, 03:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

There's a lot one could say...and then again there's a lot you could say and still not say enough about a grandparent, but most of the things you could say are good, and there was love between the two of you.

Consider yourself fortunate to have been his grandson--you look a lot like him and that's a good thing--and fortunate to have had a grandparent to look up to, to hear stories from, and to receive his love and affection.

Remember the good times and carry them with you always as you pass through your life, and when the things he said or did remind you of those happy times, and bring a tear to your eye, do not be ashamed since it's a sure sign that you were close and you miss him.

Celebrate his life, don't mourn him...for surely he lived life to the fullest and wouldn't want it any other way!
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Old 03-10-17, 03:13 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

I know we don't know each other, me being new here, but my condolences regarding your grandfather. I recently lost my grandmother so I know a bit of what you're going through. In her case, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in mid October and passed away on December 1st at 87 years old. It was a hard time for me, and still is sometimes as we were very close. The old cliche "time will heal all wounds" sounded like BS to me at the time, but there is something to it. While we will never forget them or stop missing them in our hearts, the more time that passes the easier it gets to remember them as they were, not as they ended up.

We actually just went this past weekend to her condo to empty it out for the new owners. We came across a ton of old photos I've never seen, as well as many amazing documents. It made me sad not just for my grandmother but for my grandfather, who passed away in 1994. Like your grandfather, he was a WWII veteran (US Navy). Despite some tears for us all in the beginning, we were all able to laugh before the task was done. I know I've rambled a lot about my own situation, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in your feelings. Take comfort knowing that he always loved you. It will help when it feels especially hard.
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Old 03-10-17, 03:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

We never know what to do when we lose loved ones, I think. My father turned 80 last year. He recently had to go into the hospital as his heart is old and tired, so the doctor said. They were going to put in a stint for some blockage, but the doctor said he couldn't handle the procedure...the stess of it would end him. So, today he's outside mowing his lawn, at 80 years, with a tired heart. It makes me sad. We were never close, but he has been wonderful with my children and I am proud of him for that alone. He may not die today, but his time will come soon enough and I just think, I won't be able to handle it. But, I must be strong for my children, who will be devestated. No one in their lives has died yet. They do not know... I am sorry for your loss. As little as those words mean right now, it is true. Others will think of you for your suffering and while it won't make you feel better, it will make you stronger. You will one day feel less pain, but it will never be all gone. I have always believed that somehow we see our loved ones who have gone away again, although I don't know when or how. I still have dreams in which my grandparents talk to me, telling me they will see me, and how beautiful my children are... I can't wait to see them again and to tell them all the things I never got a chance to. Be strong, trailblazer, your time to be with him again will happen. Until then, remember how wonderful he was- he will always be with you on this plane of existence while he waits for you in another...
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Old 03-10-17, 03:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

I'm really sorry for your loss Blaze. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. There's nothing like the love, humor, and wisdom of grandparents. Remember the good times, celebrate all that he meant to you and your family, and honor his memory by living your best life. Stay strong brother.
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Old 03-10-17, 03:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

Thank you, he has had Alzheimer's for a few years. My nana had to go into home before she passed because she needed care he couldn't provide anymore. His short term memory was poor but long term was good. He couldn't remember you went to visit him 2 hours later but could tell you stories from years ago like nothing. But he kept asking where she was, looked for. Even after she passed and despite not living with him for a few years sometimes he would go looking for her. Knocking on the doors of house that friends had lived in in the area they were that she used to go to decades ago. Bless the police officers who had to keep showing up and take him home. I sometimes think it was better for him that he couldn't remember she passed away and was in the home instead sometimes. That it would have hurt him more otherwise they were married for decades. Last few weeks he was just suffering and slipping away. He is at peace now.

Even though he as always lived in England and I've always lived in Canada I spent a fair amount of time with him there and here. I'm happy he isn't suffering anymore but just thinking I'll never see him again. He has literally been there my whole life, he came here when I was born. I went to England when I was 6 months, 1 yr, 2yrs etc he has just always been there even being so far away.

The last time I left England I kept thinking it will be the last time I will see him. I cried most of the bus trip the airport and on the plane.
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Old 03-10-17, 03:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

My condolences trailblazer... All my elders are gone now, so I can feel your pain...
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Old 03-10-17, 04:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

@ Blaze- You kinda look like your grandpa when he was younger. Gotta thank him for the good looks too.
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Old 03-10-17, 04:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

Quote:
Originally Posted by EL Ziggy View Post
@ Blaze- You kinda look like your grandpa when he was younger. Gotta thank him for the good looks too.
He had better hair then me for sure. I know I'll be a pretty good looking senior it turns out.
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Old 03-10-17, 04:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

One should not feel sorry about a man or woman who lived a good live to an old age. I think everyone would be happy to be so vivid, strong, and conscious till old age. Thoughts around him, should be thoughts of happiness. He seems very happy even at the age of 90. Very few people can say this.

Bless him and your family, the best to all of you.
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Old 03-10-17, 08:23 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

My condolences for your loss. I have no wise words to say to you. Thankful for your years and know you have so many great memories to get you through the tough times when you miss him.
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Old 03-10-17, 09:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

I am so sorry to hear this I completely know how you feel. When my grandfather passed back in 2011 I was devastated. He was like a second father to me as he and my gram helped raise me when I was little after my mom died. I wanted to jump on a plane the next day to fly home to be with my family but I had to wait 3 days before I could get a bus ticket...that was the hardest 3 days to get through *hug*
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Old 03-11-17, 03:57 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

My deepest sympathy,s to you and the rest of your family, my thoughts and prayers are with you mate
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Old 03-11-17, 10:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

Sorry for your loss. Your grandfather seemed like a great man.
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Old 03-11-17, 11:24 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Feeling lost

So sorry for the loss of grandfather Trailblazer. It hurts so much to lose someone...time helps, we still miss them but the pain isn't as bad. It sounds like he had a life very well lived...being in WWII I'm sure there were times he felt scared for himself and the whole world too - but he helped make the world safe for his family, his children, and lived a long life with a family and had you, a cherished grandson.

You do look a lot like him! I'm sure he loved you very much too.
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