This was forwarded to me by a friend...I thought is was SO funny so I had to share
ONLY A LITTLE GREEN SNAKE
Green garden snakes can be dangerous. Yes, little green grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple up in Sweetwater had a lot of pot plants. A cold spell was predicted so the wife brought a lot of plants in the house to protect them. It was already getting pretty cold.
It turned out a little green grass snake had already “holed up” in one of the pots and when it warmed up, the little snake slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. Her husband was in the shower and hearing her, ran into the living room buck naked, to see what was happening. She told him there was a snake under the sofa and he got down on his hands and knees to look for it. Immediately, the family dog came by and coldnosed him on the fanny. The man, who hated snakes, thought it was the snake and fainted.
The wife, who was at the other end of the sofa, only saw that her husband was down, motionless on the floor and thought he had had a heart attack. She called the ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher. As they were carrying him out, one of the men nearly stepped on the snake which had just come out from under the sofa. The guy dropped his end of the stretcher which caused the patient to be dumped on the floor at a bad angle, breaking his leg. The man woke up in the hospital with a broken leg, but ok otherwise.
Back home, the wife still had the snake problem. She called a neighbor man to come help. He volunteered to come right over since he was just waiting for his wife to get home from the grocery store. The man rolled up a newspaper and began poking it under the couch. After a while, he was convinced there was no snake under the couch and told the lady it must be gone. Relieved, she sat down on the sofa and relaxed. Her hand happened to dangle between the cushions where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, causing the snake to rush back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her laying there unconscious, began to give mouth to mouth resuscitation.
About that time, the neighbor man’s wife who had just returned from grocery shopping, looked through the open front door and saw the lady lying on the couch, with the neighbor man leaning over her with his mouth on her mouth. She slammed him on the back of the head with a big bag of canned goods. This knocked him out and cut his scalp where he badly needed stitches.
The neighbor lady called the ambulance since her husband’s head was bleeding profusely. The emergency people arrived, stopped the bleeding and began to make ready to load the man on a stretcher.
The new commotion woke the snake lady from her dead faint and she saw the neighbor man on the floor with his wife bending over him. Thinking he had been snake bit, she ran to the kitchen to get her bottle of whiskey and began pouring some down the unconscious fellow’s throat.
About now, the police arrived, saw the unconscious man and smelled the whiskey. Steps were begun to arrest the lot of them for engaging in drunken and disorderly conduct or some such. The two women began hurriedly explaining about how all this happened over a little green snake. The ambulance people took away the neighbor man and his sobbing wife, leaving the police to help the “snake lady”.
Since things had quieted down, the little snake once again came out from under the couch. One of the policemen saw it, drew his weapon and fired at it. He hit the leg of the end table instead of the snake, causing the table lamp to fall into the window and wall. This broke the lighted bulb, which set the drapes on fire. The other policeman rushed to beat out the flames but fell through the window onto the front porch. This didn’t hurt him, but it scared the dog so badly he ran into the street in front of a passing car. The car swerved, missing the dog but smashed into the police cruiser, setting it on fire.
By now the burning drapes had spread fire to both stories of the house. Other neighbors called the fire department, detailing the need for immediate assistance for both the police car and the house.
The firefighters responded.
Hoping to mount a two pronged attack immediately upon arrival, they began raising the ladder a full half block before getting to the house. The elevated ladder caught a power line and a telephone cable, knocking out electricity and phone service for ten square city blocks.
TIME PASSED ---- Both men healed and were sent home from the hospital. The house was rebuilt. The police department got a brand new cruiser (No wonder our insurance premiums are so high).
Anyway, all was right with the world.
The next few months went smoothly. The “snake lady” and her husband were watching TV. The weatherman mentioned the possibility of the first cold spell. The husband asks, “Think we better bring in the plants for the night?” – She shot him. == == == ==