47 you keep your apartment at a constant 85F, with lights pointed at the couch to make a 95F basking spot.
48. you sex fruit flies when you're at a grocery store.
49. upon seeing the Vanity Fair issue with the picture of Cindy
Crawford, naked, with a boa constrictor around her and the first reaction of my herper friends was „Nice looking snake, distinct markings...must be a boa constrictor constrictor...looks like a Surinam."
50. you see someone walking their Chihuahua or Yorkshire and think „hmm...snake food."
51. your friends need to pull out at least three guinea pigs from the fridge to find the salami.
52. you go through the store checkout with 18 différent fruits and veggies (none of which you plan to eat)?
53. you judge the quality of a garage sale by the potential herp housing units for sale.
54. you get regular shipments of thousands of live crickets and your postman just rings the doorbell, drops the box and runs;
55. everyone you know says „`Vhy ON EARTH do you want to go to ORLANDO in AUGUST every year??"
56. your husband tiptoes in to check on the baby Northern Blue Tongues every night just to „see how cute they are sleeping."
57. you get a sunburn and worry that your shed isn't coming off in one piece.
58. you've sold your soul to your produce manager in exchange or dandelion greens. 45. you sleep on the couch, but have a lovely reptile setup in the bedroom.
59. you've said „Are aquariums all right?" to a prospective landlord and own no fish.
60. you evaluate potential apartments/townhouses by the location of the electrical sockets, and the how easily the second bedroom can accommodate all of your turtle tanks.
61. you have 27 bowls marked „dog" or „kitty" and no dogs or cats.
62. you ask the local drug store for a No-Pest „fly" Strip in January.
63. you've every microwave cooked a Cup O'Noodle and defrosted a mouse at the same time.
64. you've got in trouble from your girlfriend for looking at the free kitten adds with a gleam in your eye. (just kidding)
65. you have a well stocked medicine cabinet but none of its for you.
66. the Delta Cargo people recognize you on sight
67. you've ever told you apartment manager that you'll be able to pay your rent after the eggs hatch .
68. your wrists are so criss-crossed with scratches that people think you're just really bad at trying to HI yourself .
69. you tell people on the phone,, I can't talk now, I've got a lizard on my head."
70. you're lulled into a deep sleep by the melodic chirp of crickets, even though you live in a high rise.
71. redecorating the house means finding a way to squeeze in another aquarium.
72. you don't take vitamins but all your herps do. .
73. you lie awake at night trying to figure out why your crickets aren't reproducing.
74. someone at the emergency vet leans over and asks you if your animal is real.
75. you know the calcium-to-phosphorous ratios of common vegetables without looking them up.
76. you consider collard greens, dandelion greens, parsnips, mustard green, and escarole to be common vegetables.
77. you keep insisting to your spouse that the trio of Brazilian rainbow boas you just brought home only cost 45 dollars
Herpetoculture isn’t an exact science!!