You might be a herper if . . .
Courtesy of W. Bryan Jennings
Department of zoology
University of Texas
1. your snakes are having a better sex life than you and you're happy about it! ! !
2. you have way more pillowcases than you have pillows.
3. you tell the salesperson at the pet-store you won't be needing the seven day health guarantee on the mouse you just bought.
4. your best friends cat died and you wonder if you can have the body.
5. you name your rodents things like breakfast, lunch and dinner.
6. you tell yourself you don't look stupid while flipping rotted boards for snakes on the side of the road while people are watching you.
7. people come to your house and ask what is that smell'?" and you say Ą what smell?".
8. you spend countless hours inventing stupid things like this.
9. you warm your leftovers up on heat tape.
10. you pretend that there is really a good reason ~-h~- you look under boards along the side of the road.
11. you're chickless.
12. you drive around on recycling day looking for the biggest piles of newspaper to steal and feel guilty when people look out their windows and pity you.
13. your girlfriend gets mad at you because you spend way too much time in the rubbermaid container section dreaming of ways to use them and you give her a 2 minute time limit to try on new clothes to buy.
14. you can go into a person's house and pinpoint the exact location of a decaying mouse.
15. you find a dead mouse in the bottom of a mayonaise jar that your friend planted there and you laugh while eating your tuna fish sandwich.
16. you do your best to give the guy wearing snake skin boots your dirtiest look and wondering if you could get off on just manslaughter.
17. you can speak Latin well without ever taking a formal course.
18. you buy card loads of bark mulch but care less about landscaping.
19. you want world peace, to save the environment, a cure for aids and a better way to kill mites.
20. your neighbours watch your house closely during hatching season when they see people entering empty handed and leaving with small boxes and then report you to the police as a drug dealer!!!
21. People ask you to pack the truck when they move because YOU have the uncanny ability to fit more fish tanks and sweater boxes into the smallest space available:
22. you can get to the center of the newspaper on the first try.
23. there is always still enough room on your credit card to buy another herp, but you ignore your bills.
24. you are foolish enough to do this as a business and actually thought you might make a living at it.
25. People spend big bucks to get rid of rats & mice and you spend bigger bucks breeding them.
26. your friend's with a guy who owns a large reptile facility and you invest alI of your spare time trying to help him keep it going.
27. there is always still room to set up yet another cage for your next herp.
28. you stop in a pet store just to look at the reps and end up buying a fake plant for a buck so you don't look stupid.
29. you spent your last dollar on a reptile book and you don't get paid for another week.
30. you drive an hour to a zoo just to visit the reps and buy a rep shirt to wear tomorrow.
31. your freezer contains more dead mice then ice cream.
32. you buy 100W bulbs by the case.
Herpetoculture isnít an exact science!!