Join Date: Jan-2003
Location: Sheffield, England
Well, different country, different system, different values, but I do hear what you're saying Jay. I read all your posts, and I don't see a rebellious kid, I see a cry for help. If you were a true, out-and-out hardcase rebel, like people are saying, then I don't think you'd bother to come here asking for help, and arguing your corner. You wouldn't care what other people thought!
I think that what people for the most part are saying is right, but I also know that KNOWING what the right thing is and DOING it are two different things, and DOING it is a lot, lot harder.
Especially when you're already looking up out of a big, deep black hole, even if you know it's the hole you've dug yourself!
Here's my input - I was a rebel when at school, rejected teachers' authority in all sorts of ways, I was unpopular, picked on, by both teachers and other students (some of my most humiliating and hurtful memories are from teachers bullying, not other kids), and I generally hated the world.
What I didn't realise then was that my reaction to the stuff around me made me into an unlikeable person, which made more unpleasant stuff happen, which made me react badly, which made me even more unlikeable.
It's a spiral, down, and it doesn't stop until you find that switch inside yourself which helps you to change the way you see things.
So what's that switch gonna be?
How can you look at all the stuff that you feel is really cr@p and see it in a different, more positive way?
What worked for me was realising that 'playing the game' instead of trying to fight it could also be a buzz, a challenge.
I started being helpful. I can't say I ever did a huge amount of schoolwork, but I did enough to get by. But I befriended one or two teachers, and impressed them, and then they're more likely to stand up for you in tight situations.
Showing a good attitude probably achieves more than doing loads of schoolwork - you will be excused poor work if they believe you have tried your very, very hardest!!!
I changed my attitude when I was 16. This approach got me through the rest of my education, got me a college place (which was the best fun I ever had!), and has got me several fairly high powered jobs, and everyday I deal with people who I think are wrong, or stupid, or nasty, or whatever, but I still 'play the game'. And even when the other person thinks they've won, or they think it was all their idea, I win, because the job gets done because of the work that I've done, and I get reward and recognition.
And all those people at school, who caused me so much heartache? Well I've probably achieved more than most of them!!! Now that's funny!
So all I'm suggesting is play along for a while, and see where that gets you. Sometimes you have to bite back the things you wanna say, but just remember that can put you in a position of greater power in the longer term. You don't see poker players shouting their opinions out loud, do you? Silence can be the strongest weapon, sometimes, and a few, carefully chosen words are priceless.
Sorry for going on a bit too long,
"If you think you can't afford it, you just don't want it badly enough..."
Last edited by brig; 11-24-03 at 12:42 PM..