Such a terrible thing, having to make your own lunch. I think I had to start making my own lunch around 9 or 10... started doing some of my own laundry about 16, and from 11 on when my folks were late coming home from work I would have to make my own dinner (I was a latch key kid). It's called learning how to be an adult, I know I certainly didn't expect my mom to pick up after me, she's my mom not my maid.
As for the hitting, there's a fine line between disipline and abuse. The throwing plates doesn't sound good. I have had an ex through dishes, but I kept pushing the buttons to get them that angry and frustrated. I wouldn't consider my self abused for that. Anyways other then the hitting and throwing things I don't see anything wrong. Maybe the mom needs some anger management and the kids need some military school.