Base Ball season is here
Now I'm not a huge fan of baseball (I rather dislike the professionals) I found this extreamly funny.
Copyright 2002-2003 W. Bruce Cameron
BERT: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the opening day of pee-wee-league baseball, with the Giants facing off against the Pirates. I'm Bert, here with our commentator, Ernie.
ERNIE: The "Giants" are well named: Some of those kids out there must be three feet tall.
BERT: It's a big team, alright, and they're first up, with the Pirates taking the field.
ERNIE: Strange formation.
BERT: That's right, the Pirates have elected to send their center fielder, Justin, all the way to the back fence, where he has taken off his glove and is digging at the dirt by the fence post.
ERNIE: Must be something interesting out there.
BERT: Must be. And here comes the Giants' star hitter, Blake, up to bat. He's adjusting his batting helmet, it seems to be sliding down over his eyes a little, and now he is sizing up the batter's tee.
ERNIE: Look at that concentration!
BERT: Blake has his tongue sticking out with effort, he raises his bat, and...swing and a miss! And a miss! And a miss! And a Miss! And a miss! And he hits the ball!
ERNIE: The tee, actually.
BERT: That's right, he really nailed that tee, and the ball has toppled into the dirt and the crowd is on its feet, yelling at Blake to run! Run, Blake, run! Blake is still staring at the ball...and there he goes! He seems to have gotten the message, because he is really taking off!
ERNIE: Not sure where he's going....
BERT: That's right, Ernie. While he is running in the general direction of first base, it doesn't appear he intends to take a direct route to get there. Meanwhile the Pirates' catcher is trying to pick up the ball with his mitt. He's got it! No, sorry...Now he's got it! Well, almost. He's taking off his glove, now, picking up the ball, and what an arm! He threw that ball all the way into the parking lot, where it bounced off a pickup truck. Several Pirates are scrambling after the ball. Meanwhile, Blake has decided to bypass first base altogether and is dashing toward second.
ERNIE: The Giants' coach is screaming for Blake to turn around and come back to first.
BERT: And the Pirates' shortstop has helpfully stepped into Blake's path and is attempting to get him to turn around.
ERNIE: They're down!
BERT: Both boys are down in a heap.
ERNIE: Here comes the ball!
BERT: Nice throw from the parking lot to the area behind the backstop. Now Blake is on his feet and he finally seems to be paying attention to his coach, and he has turned around and is headed back to first base.
ERNIE: The Pirates can't seem to get the ball over the backstop.
BERT: Several Pirates are behind the backstop trying to toss the ball over and back into play, but they don't seem to have the arm strength to make the trip.
ERNIE: Blake is at first base and has sat down to tie his shoe. The crowd has gone wild, and the first baseman seems to be telling Blake that he should stand up and run to second.
BERT: Blake is breaking for second and here comes the ball! The third baseman is bringing the ball around, he cranks back and heaves the ball out into right field.
ERNIE: Unfortunately, the right fielder has joined the center fielder to dig at the fence. They look like they've decided to tunnel out of the game.
BERT: The first baseman is after the ball. Blake has made it to second base, but his helmet came off, and he is headed back to retrieve it.
ERNIE: The first baseman has the ball, he throws....
BERT: Had there been someone at second base, that would have been a fine toss from the Pirates' first baseman.
ERNIE: Blake has his helmet and is trying to get it on.
BERT: The Pirates' short stop has picked up the ball.
ERNIE: Blake runs for second!
BERT: Here comes the tag....He's...he's...safe!
ERNIE: Safe on second! Bert, this promises to be a really exciting game!